Nailing the Art of Assertiveness: 10 Ways to Set Boundaries Without Feeling Like a Bitch
Setting boundaries can sometimes feel like tiptoeing through a social minefield, right? But guess what? It's totally doable without feeling like you're being overly assertive. Let me break down ten ways we can rock this boundary-setting game without any hint of the 'b-word
1. Know Thyself:
Start by understanding your before anything else, know what you're about. What are your needs? Where do you draw the line? Knowing yourself is like the foundation of a house - everything else builds on it.
2. Start Small, Gain Confidence:
Begin with smaller boundaries. Let's start with baby steps. Setting boundaries in little things gives us the confidence to tackle bigger stuff later.
3. Use "I" Statements:
Speak from the heart using "I" statements.It personalizes your boundaries. It's like saying, "Hey, this is about me, not you." and makes it less confrontational.
4. Stay Calm and Collected:
Maintain composure. A calm demeanor sets a constructive tone without being cold.Keep the conversation light and relaxed.
5. Be Direct, Not Abrasive:
Be direct but not harsh. Assertive yet kind - that's the balance.
For example: that invitation you got for the neighborhood party but you really just want to spend the day hiking by yourself say this
“Hey, (Insert Name )
Thanks so much for inviting me to the party! I do appreciate it. Unfortunately, I won't be able to make it ,but I hope you all have an amazing time. Let's plan something in the future when we’re both available. Thanks for understanding!"
There it is !! You express gratitude for the invitation, provide a clear reason for declining without going into unnecessary details, and leave the door open for future plans. It's a direct and assertive response that conveys your situation without being harsh or dismissive.
6. Choose the Right Timing:
Pick the right moment. Picking the right moment for a boundary talk is like choosing the perfect time to drop a joke - it makes the whole interaction smoother.
Timing enhances the receptivity of your message.
7. Use Humor When Appropriate:
Inject humor to ease tension without undermining the seriousness of the conversation.
8. Provide Alternatives:
Boundaries aren't roadblocks; they're detour signs. Offer alternatives for collaborative solutions. Lets use an example of the coworker that distracts you during the day and you just want to get your damn work done and carry on.How do we do this nicely?
"I've noticed that our work hours sometimes overlap, and it can be challenging for me to stay focused when I'm interrupted. To ensure we both can maintain productivity, how about we schedule a quick catch-up at [suggest a specific time, maybe during a break]? That way, we can discuss anything important without disrupting each other's workflow. Does that sound good to you?
This way, you not only communicate the issue but also provide an alternative solution. By suggesting a specific time for collaboration, you transform the boundary into a collaborative solution that benefits both parties. It shows a willingness to work together while maintaining a productive environment. You may be talk of the office after that,but it is what it is. Your boundaries will help you keep your inner peace.
9. Reinforce with Positive Feedback:
Acknowledge and appreciate when your boundaries are respected. When someone respects your boundaries, let them know you appreciate it. Positive reinforcement makes everyone feel good
10. Reflect and Adjust:
Remember, boundaries are guidelines, not set in stone. They're more like guidelines. It's okay to reflect, adjust, and tweak them as life evolves.
So, my friend, setting boundaries isn't about being harsh or earning any negative titles. It's about creating a space where we can be true to ourselves and foster healthier connections. Its about giving yourself time that you need and not overwhelming your day.
Check out these amazing books that I swear by when it comes to setting boundaries as well as changing your mindest and finding gratitude!
-xox